7: Pause

watching green pixels fill up a long horizontal rectangle watching green pixels fill up a long horizontal rectangle i'm watching green pixels fill up a long horizontal rectangle i pick up the cat for a stroke to look busy yes it's one of those workplaces purrs and begins to dig its claws into my thighs yelping i push it off i thought you liked me we agreed you wouldn't do that if you actually liked me i'm not scratching you i'm sorry i have claws you know i do that can't you try to see it as a good thing like everyone else it sidles off towards the lap of my cubicle partner who keeps a pillow on her knees she knows she knows it won't change it's a cat after all my boss looks up i don't bury you to look busy he barks then discarding the temper i'm sure i do pay you to look busy so leave the cat alone and watch the line it fills up see i sit still and hold my breath to enable my face to turn red this is what they said on the cooking course isn't it i slump down semi-supine on the floor my upper body going as close to the ground as possible in the hope of finding new ways to breathe in millions of supplements seek the mouths shall be sucked through the floor the whole world is the shape of a bubble am i paralyzed oh blue green algae let me see again i can feel the cat moving up my legs curling itself on my stomach it's so warm too warm i try to will it off to move it by thought alone my will makes a low humming around my diaphragm which is all the more intoxicating to the cat stupefied almost asleep twitching it purrs and its purrs are a reply to hums the clawing starts my cubicle buddy moves my legs 90 degrees to reach the printer and reties my loose laces while she waits she kneels down to put some paper in the tray and her voice becomes clear in my ear it must be morning she's rolling me over adjusting my position to allow the porter to reach the carpet under my body with the vacuum cleaner for lunch i attempt to pull myself up to the chair but it keeps rotating away from me there was a tap in the window i looked up a boy and a girl was sitting on the ledge i opened the window a little you got any of those things you gave our friends today what things i say i haven't given anyone any things i don't remember seeing your friend yesterday i didn't see anyone yesterday who's your friend i haven't even seen a child for weeks never went up a window you did my friend said he did from this window too he told us to climb along the wall that one down there see she points then shimmy onto the ledge blow yours one of you pushes the other up to this ledge then pull up the other come to this pain on the left and tap a little and then you can have some of the same things look i've got a picture of them on my phone see them she holds the phone up to the glass wow they're amazing they're moving i thought they were yeah they're sweet too when you eat them you eat them blimey look let's try the flood above i'll come with you pull the window open a little more both of us both of you take an arm come on move up a bit i'm not going to fit on there later back inside the flat alone standing in my pants and vest in the kitchen i open the brown bag tip out the contents i close my eyes and move my hands through the mound it expands irreversible transmutations through texture through my awareness sand then mud here's tupays nuggets of shame granny's angry stare a perturbation pushing away my hands i rest my face on it with my jaw making chomping motions they were right this sweet and unnatural sweetness no something reconstituted goggle posit so i raise my head and wipe my face in the front of my teeth with the brown bag and chuck it in the bin the man has a monkey on a chain they share a haircut a middling parting slicked to slight peaks at both sides like a latter millennial viennese waiter the monkey is sat on the table chewing his chain when the man exclaims and then motions what are you doing son back to daddy now sat on the neighboring chair he reaches for the pint of lager pulls the glass towards him dips his pour in and licks the beer off apparently disliking the cheap stuff he reaches for the half pint of craft beer again dragging and dipping the whole time his little eye starting furtive glances of the two both encroached in their phones as they flick through the photos they had just taken of the monkey chuckling to themselves and in tandem thrusting their phones into each other's faces for consensus the woman clocks the connoisseur and says no hands is dirty then slightly tipping the glass lets him drink from the rim the monkey goes hyper he returns brushing the monkey heart to the floor as if it were a collection of crumbs the scene continues in like fashion a fork with a tomato chunk is offered to the sulking monkey he sniffs and looks away whilst reaching for the ashtray with his foot and then seemingly in an act of defiance pushes the craft beer over or at least tries to because the woman catches it before it completely the monkey forgetting his grievance excitedly laughs off around his mouth giving him the look of a man with a growth disorder stunted but well aren't we all?