42: Bristles

Hello? I’ll be right with you Hello, I’m doing some research and I was hoping you might have something that I’m after. I hadn’t been having much luck but then a nice gentleman at the Pavlova institute suggested I try here. Ok, well, let’s see. What is it you’re after exactly? I’m looking for something by Ammenades. I believe it’s a compendium of ancient authors but I’m not entirely sure of the title. It certainly contains some work by … I’m afraid I’m going to have to stop you there, Sir. I just started here today and I’m afraid I don’t think I can help you. Oh, well, is there someone else I can talk to. Someone who’s worked here longer? Well, there’s Sid. He’s been here for years. Great! Can I speak to Sid then please? (Whistle) Sid! Come Here. Right. Sid’s a … Well, it’s either Sid or me, your choice. Ok, Sid, I’m looking for a work by Ammenades. A-Men-A-Dees. Do you know where I can find that? (Bark) Where’s he going? You’d better follow him. Oh. Ok. Damn, Sid, you are the dog! Wow, that’s incredible, thank you. But, so, do you only have it on vinyl? Don you have a book copy, maybe? (Bark) Oh. Ok. So, where can I listen to it? (Bark) Oh yeah! Fantastic! Thanks Sid. Classified by Ambrosius as Ignis Fulmen, and in the vulgar tongue known simply as Flamma Simia, or Fire Monkeys, these creatures were renowned for their unquenchable appetite and phosphorescent bristles that covered their thick hides. Their ability to consume large objects was matched only by some serpents of the Orontes who were known to ingest cattle whole and sometimes humans, as with the case of King Astridades who is reported to have fed himself to his most beloved snake on the breaching of the city walls at the climax of the Dendriun siege. The giant snake, lovingly named Titus Familiarus, was said to have wept as it swallowed his master on command. When the philosopher Maxenius was asked where he would place the Flamma Simia in his cosmic system, he replied: they are cousin to man: duplicitous; undiscerning in their appetite; devoted to their masters yet devils to anyone else. Like other creatures attracted to riches, such as the piebald Pica Melanotos, or the Northern Fennorum, they were known to steal the objects of their attraction, and like thieves, they were routinely executed on the hills of Malpurlia; chained to the rocks and left to the judgement of Helios. This savage custom came to an end under the wise counsel of Zonophone, who, in his Edicts, orders that a thief was to have his hand cut off and fed to the Flamma Simia who had been given a more exalted role in Zonophone’s new campaigns. Trained as master thieves they were sent into barbarous lands, where they were taken in as good omens and stowed in the temples or shrines to please the gods. During the night they would sniff out the valuables and consume them. When the loss was discovered the animals were cursed as bad omens and banished outside of the city walls where they were sure to meet a quick dispatch by the godless beasts that roamed in hunger and rage. And a quick dispatch they got, though not as anticipated; the rescue party, drawn to the glowing treasure like moths to a candle as the following night drew in, would recover the animals and feed them an emetic to regurgitate the spoils: beautiful ornaments, crowns, jewels, gold and precious stones that were all was said to come out polished by the internal organs of these now near sacred animals. Plinatus gives a brief account in his Encomium Natuurum, saying that when Graccus Quentillius lay siege to Salandria he is said to have lit his approach by 10 thousand caged Flamma Simia. The assault was so successful that the animals were soon bread as light bearers for the whole of the Caldion army whose campaigns stretched from Pannonia to the Caspian Sea. As Pictus Flavius quipped: only a cudgel could extinguish a Caldion Lamp. Large clammy hand clamped ... it’s hold ... on some ankles ... between it and a mass of shoes ... This overdue reunion ... jerked away, maybe ... At the bottom of hell, occupied by numbers, endless paperwork: all allowed, so we can have dark forces.