206: Clawing

Realisations. A smile and a laugh. Good resolve against rolling eyes.

It is easy to take things to heart and get all blocked up there. But if you laugh it off, laugh off the insults and the attacks and the bad form, then you are stronger and more resilient. The thing is to know that other people don't know either.

The billies pretend that they do, but they are as ignorant as the rest of us. A smile and a laugh and a big F you. What I have observed in the last week, low energy kneecaps the situation. Holding back whacks the situation with a wooden stick. Indecision gives the situation the Willy's. Passivity and choice and action throws rocks at the situation's head, giving it light concussion and several caches. It's obvious really. Misers aren't invited in with joy. The regrets are all humming around this.

Two things that many people have hinted at me. One, I have an issue with body odour. Two, I don't contribute enough. I hold back. Resist. Try to escape. Resist. Resist. Resist. Try to escape. Resist. Resist. Resist. Try to escape. Resist. Resist. Resist. Try to escape. Resist. Resist. Resist. Try to escape. Resist. Resist. Resist. Resist. Try to escape.

There's an unwelcome guest in room 76. A great cuff of a number blazing on the door. There are flies around the stinker.

I am a sad Yeti. I didn't know three things about being good. But I have seen the way. Thanks to Dr. Holden, I am not so abominable anymore. I thank her method and her long opening hours.

I cannot blame you for blaming me. I have no remorse, but I do have reflection now. Old water under a new bridge. Rage is a thing of my past. You could boil oats on my rage, hot signals sending telegrams to the sun, a bolt on nose and a noose necktie. I'm sorry for all the mis-imaginings I caused, for all the frightened folk.

If a hand had reached out earlier and taught me that I too have hands that can be held, that want to be held, and not just claw out in rage, I may have been saved earlier. But the winters are cold, and beasts are not the snuggling type. When you learn about shoes, you learn about trousers. And when you learn about trousers, you learn about morals and all the under-things. I have found the way to heavenly curiosity. Perfumes scent the ruffles.

I was born from taboo. I return there in my dreams. Drama queening the night. Hot hillocks where the cowboys glare. Brimming. The hat is bright and felt and broad in the brim. The hat has months of pleasure left to give. The summer has expressed its wish to consort with the hat on as many occasions as possible. The hat has agreed. I will not be wearing the hat, but I will be accompanying it on many of its trips. More candy to the movie, more crashing at the gate. Here the hurling hops from leg to leg and toe to toe and helps the heart grow.

Here these stand in shorts and a training belt, ready for the fire. Hold your hand out, crack! Hold it steady, crack! you! train yourself on the tech that makes you believe you are something. The light, the camera, the lack of action.

You are a chair bear. You growl and roar and swipe at the air, but there are no fish to be caught. Honda climbing the stairs.

Honda on the second floor. Honda looking for place to sleep. Honda flashing lights and scared inhabitants from their beds. Honda closing curtains. Honda accepting its fate. Honda is not the end of the story. Honda brings crud into the house. Honda doesn't take off its shoes. Honda has a blunt expression. Honda wants cleaning. Honda shakes at dawn. Honda shakes at dawn.

It has come to my attention that there are several of you that have been shape-shifting to get out of doing your chores. yours. I found a bucket and a pile of rags serving stewed pears yesterday evening. I found an ex-student possibly paying an old debt, untangling the spaghetti at the bottom of the pan. I had to ladle him out before he drowned. If you do not see the benefit of my guidance, then you should turn on the lights. Would you prefer to spend your time as a scrap, a shard, an off-cut Boys, the spring is upon us. You'll soon be holding hands in the park. Warm air will be flooding your engines, and you will feel thankful for my guidance.

Those days were made of thunder and boredom. But at least there was the rain. I stole the shapes and never returned them. That's what stealing is for. I want to give them back now, but there is no one who will take them.